03 December 2009
TMI Thursday: Where's my inhaler?
Having read the humorous and somewhat scary tales of Lilu over at Livit, Luvit, I figured I'd delve into this area as well.
As most of my tales begin, it all started with a little friend of mine called "beer". After putting back a considerable number of drinks, I went about looking for a companion to keep me warm that evening. Some of you may be familiar with the term "harpooning" or "Whaling" or "Hogging" all these applied, with the exception that I wasn't getting paid to sleep with the fattest girl at the club, I was just horny, and at that age, I had no standards (wait...that implies I have standards now).
So, I meet a lovely lady, who was most definitely plus sized (and by plus sized I mean XXXXXXXXXXL) and the evening goes along swimmingly. As the bar closes, we decide to head back to her place for a night cap. I was excited, a little drunk, and extremely randy. Next the clothes come off, and the foreplay starts (I'll spare the details for now). Next thing I know she's on top grinding away, and I'm starting to become more and more sober. That's when it hits me. OH...MAI...GAWD! Why the hell am I doing the nasty with this girl, she out weighs me by a good thirty to forty pounds.
What happens next I am not exactly proud of but it got me out of there quickly. I fake an asthma attack. She asked what was wrong and I told her I needed my inhaler, then I remembered that I left my inhaler at my room, so I would have to go home. She let me leave, giving me her number as I headed out the door. As I drove away, I thought to myself, "Dude, let's never EVER EVER do that again".
Did I drive home? No, instead I went to a buddy's place to drink myself retarded and tried to forget the incident ever happend, but on the ride over I realized that I still had the condom on and out the window it went.
Oh it gets better, the following weekend I went back to the same bar/club/watering hole and to my surprise guess who approaches me, that's right she was there and she remembered me. She waddles up to me, saying "Hi, do you remember me?"
To which I reply, (shamefully I might add)
"No, did I meet you last weekend, because I was pretty much hammered from Friday night on and can't remember a thing."
Yes...I blamed the beer.
For More TMI Thursday goodness Check out Lilu's Blog