17 December 2009

TMI Thursday: When my phone decides to become a Fish

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

TMI Thursday

Special thanks to LiLu over at Livitluvit.com, it's always great to read other humiliating stories :)

So, for those of you who don't know, I'm old.  Not ancient, but old enough to attend a 10 year graduation reunion for my high school.  I was excited to see some of my old friends, as well as see who had changed since graduation.  So in all pretenciousness I decide to wear a suit, like you do when you go to a reunion and want people to know that you're doing well.

Before I could "Suit Up!" (Barney would have been sooo proud of me) I had to shower, now this is where the TMI starts to come in.  Usually when I shower I take a leak before hand, flush then head into the shower.  Somehow I missed that second step (this is an integral part of the story...just trust me for now).  At the time I was texting back and forth with my, at the time, girlfriend keeping her apprised of what was going on.  So, I set my phone on top of the commode (Ladies, you know how you always get upset when we leave the toilet seat up...I know your pain...sort of).  I hop in the shower and begin to wash, covering all the important areas as well as the not so important areas.  While I'm showering, I continue to receive and send texts to my girlfirend, no issues so far.  By now the bathroom is filled with steam (since I like my showers to be hot), and there is condensation building up on the commode.  I begin rinsing my hair, and that's when I hear it..."Sploosh".  I think to myself, did a ghost just take a dump in my toilet?  Then it dawns on me, oh FUCK!  I hop out of the shower and see my phone, floating around in the bowl of the toilet, happy as a clam, in my piss.  FML!

Now, I contemplated flushing it down, but since we use a septic system, that was not a viable option.  Instead, I reached in, pulled it out, toweled it off, then procedded to wash my hands 50 billion times.  I attempted to dry off the phone hoping it would work.  I even tried the hair drier, but apparently my pee is great at short circuiting all sorts of electronics!  So I grab the phone, and head out to get a new one, at the time I hoped that they might be able to transfer my contacts, but unfortunately this was a lost cause.

Moral of the story:
Put the GOD DAMN toilet seat down...

oh yeah...here's a pic just so you know I wasn't totally bullshitting about wearing a suit to the reunion

Obviously I'm the guy on the right...because I'm awesome


  1. Hey man, your piss didn't short it out, the blow dryer did.

    I used to work in cell phones, and that's the worst thing you can do after you get one wet. Blow dry it.

    Geez. That's also the worst thing you can do to a vagina.

  2. who the hell blow dries a vagina, travis? god. weird. unless you're into the granny vag feeling...

  3. At least you didn't go number 2 and then have to fish it out!! And I'm glad you learned to put the seat down finally, maybe this experience should happen to all men!

  4. I think putting a wet cellphone in a bowl of uncooked rice is supposed to help with water damage.

    Of course, this is advice you will have to save until the next time you drop your phone in the toilet.

  5. I have dropped my cell in the toliet too, it sucks, but no pee, I had already flushed, it was still gross. I so feel your pain!!!! Oh, and I am waaaaay older than you.

  6. You were texting still while in the shower??? So your phone was waterproof but not urine-proof? Hehe.

  7. I wish they would make a friggin' water and pee-proof phone. And this is the very reason why I am sooooo paranoid about taking my phone into the toilet!

  8. Travis...I'll save that info for the next time I come across a wet Vagoon (never blow dry a Vagoon)

    Mandy-You're right, who in their right mind would blow dry the Va-Jay-Jay

    Carissa- I'm soo thankful for that as well, I would have burned the phone then...

    Badmuthafudruckers- I guess I'll have to keep some rice around just in case this happens again.

    Lucy - Hooray, someone who knows my pain

    P - Yes, texting in the shower is awesome!

    Jessica - definitely awkward

    Zan - I wonder if they will ever come up with a waterproof phone for those of us who text in the bathroom. (I'm not holding my breath for this one)

  9. Blow drying a vagina? the fuck? Is this a grooming step I was left out of the loop on? How many times do I have to tell you people to keep me in the loop?? damn y'all.