03 December 2009

TMI Thursday: Where's my inhaler?

TMI Thursday

Having read the humorous and somewhat scary tales of Lilu over at Livit, Luvit, I figured I'd delve into this area as well.

As most of my tales begin, it all started with a little friend of mine called "beer".  After putting back a considerable number of drinks, I went about looking for a companion to keep me warm that evening.  Some of you may be familiar with the term "harpooning" or "Whaling" or "Hogging" all these applied, with the exception that I wasn't getting paid to sleep with the fattest girl at the club, I was just horny, and at that age, I had no standards (wait...that implies I have standards now).

So, I meet a lovely lady, who was most definitely plus sized (and by plus sized I mean XXXXXXXXXXL) and the evening goes along swimmingly.  As the bar closes, we decide to head back to her place for a night cap.  I was excited, a little drunk, and extremely randy.  Next the clothes come off, and the foreplay starts (I'll spare the details for now).  Next thing I know she's on top grinding away, and I'm starting to become more and more sober.  That's when it hits me.  OH...MAI...GAWD!  Why the hell am I doing the nasty with this girl, she out weighs me by a good thirty to forty pounds.

What happens next I am not exactly proud of but it got me out of there quickly.  I fake an asthma attack.  She asked what was wrong and I told her I needed my inhaler, then I remembered that I left my inhaler at my room, so I would have to go home.  She let me leave, giving me her number as I headed out the door. As I drove away, I thought to myself, "Dude, let's never EVER EVER do that again".

Did I drive home? No, instead I went to a buddy's place to drink myself retarded and tried to forget the incident ever happend, but on the ride over I realized that I still had the condom on and out the window it went.

Oh it gets better, the following weekend I went back to the same bar/club/watering hole and to my surprise guess who approaches me, that's right she was there and she remembered me.  She waddles up to me, saying "Hi, do you remember me?"

To which I reply, (shamefully I might add)
"No, did I meet you last weekend, because I was pretty much hammered from Friday night on and can't remember a thing."

Yes...I blamed the beer.


For More TMI Thursday goodness Check out Lilu's Blog


  1. Hey, you could've been way meaner... at least you didn't hurt her feelings.

    Thanks for playing!

  2. I'm pretty sure her feelings were hurt, when I totally forgot about her...

  3. I... I can't even express how revolting you are. As a person. You, this self-congratulatory diatribe, your belittling of another person for (decidedly lame) humor, and the way you obviously can't think for yourself when it comes to something as simple as physical attraction. I hope it's readily apparent in person what a douche you are so no one makes the mistake of taking you home ever again.

  4. I agree with Lilu.

    I do not agree with this "thin girls against douchebags." I find it ironic that she belittles you and calls you names for your belittling and calling names in your post. While I'm sure she took great care with her words and put her thesaurus to good use in an effort to sound superior; she just came across as a hypocrite. Of course, I find this amusing.

    Knowing you personally, I immediately wanted to jump in and tell this girl to "fuck off," but I have more class than that... most days.

    Keep the posts coming, Griff!

  5. Kaydee, in case you were wondering, you are Awesome.

    Oh, and Annie I appreciate you taking time out of your obviously day to state the obvious, really brilliant point you made. But what guys aren't douchebags at 21?

  6. Oh, good point. But I think I'd rather be forgettable than walked out on mid-coitus.

    Congrats on a hater in 3 posts! I'm pretty sure that's a record.

  7. I should've said, walked out on mid-coitus, because someone found me offensive. RATHER than the inhaler thingy.

    I can't read or write.

  8. Here's what a true douchebag would do Annie. He'd troll the internets finding information about you, your fiance and your past, then post in on a known boards for Real Trolls. And they love to make lives miserable.

    Not that I'd do that, but if we were talking to 21 year old me, this would have been the first thing I did.

  9. Dude. Where the hell have you been my entire blog life? I'm on board this ship.

    When I saw the pic of the hippo, I almost fell out of bed.

    Hell, I'M fat.

    Then I read the "TGAD" comment, and I almost fell out of bed again.

    What a r'tard.

    I'm also a douchebag, and I'm 27.


    Oh. No Fat Chicks.

  10. I'm fat, too, and I thought it was hilarious. Of course, I've never been kicked out of anyone's bed for being fat (or had anyone fake a medical emergency to get out of sleeping with me), either. LMMFAO!

  11. Travis, I'm glad you found the humor in this post. My good friend Kaydee is the one who brought me back into the blogosphere kicking and screaming.

    Zan, sadly I've been kicked out of several beds, but I'll save those for another Thursday TMI post.

    Note to self: Next week, stay away from Sex you had while you were in your early twenties...Kthnxbai

  12. LOLMAD.

    Grif's you crack me up.

  13. I love it when Anon shows up at my blog...

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