04 December 2009

Yeah, I don't really wonder why I'm single....but it sux

It's frackin' Friday, and I figure it best to dive into my personal life.  As I've stated before I'm single, and since I don't go to bars (Lilu...it's ok I persevere, trust me there's a reason for this) I have to try and find dates on the interwebz, so for the sake of not having any better topics, I thought I would share what I believe may be my masterpiece when it comes to dating profiles:  (this is posted on POF)

Quick summary before you read my attempt at humor below:
1. Ladies, I'm not an Adonis, so if that's what you're looking for...move on please
2. I do go to the gym regularly
3. I live on my own.
4. Eyes and Smiles are all it takes.
5. Humor is a must

OK, are you actually reading this? well color me surprised

edits are marked in italics
Please be aware, this is my attempt at making you laugh, sometimes it works, other times it fails miserably

During the week I tend to spend a majority of my time at work, which tends to take away from my social life, although once a week I gather with my band mates for practice. We play mostly Rock/90's Alternative with some originals thrown in for color, but I'll spare you the details for now.Yeah, uh we just broke up last week, so I'm sort of not quite in a band anymore, but I still play guitar like it's going out of style.

Wow, you're still reading this...AWESOME!
I'm impressed you've made it this far

These days I tend to be more of a home body than a party animal. This should tell you that I'm probably very boring I would be quite content with a good book, a good movie, or a decent video game for a night. By book I mean some sci-fi novel This is not to say I don't enjoy going out, in fact I do enjoy adventures to unknown spots, and I always enjoy exploring new places. Live shows always get me out the door

I've lived many places in my short time here, most notably:
Monterey, CA
Savannah, GA
Garmisch, Germany
South Carolina

Places I've Visited:

Still there???
impressive...most impressive

I've visited most of the states in the US, with the exception of the mid-west and North West.

Man...that guy sounds really boring and somewhat hum-drum, and that's me talking about myself. Yeah, I'm not so good at bragging about myself, call it a character flaw I guess. OK, so I spend a good deal of my time trolling the internet/reading blogs/reading news, so a lot of my humor is derived from that, as well as from watching a good deal of British television (Spaced, Little Britain, and Big Train). I'd like to say that I'm up for just about anything (within reason), but I'd probably be lying. I don't imagine jumping into a pit of poisonous snakes as my idea of a good time, and for that matter discussing politics is not my idea of a good first date (maybe a good way to end a date quickly if it's not going well)

I love food, and food has the courtesy to love me back, but there are some foods that I just can't stand like crabs (it's not really that I can't stand crabs it's that I can't eat them, so I've fully developed my loathing of them)

I'm not an avid gamer (I call bull$hit)...Really (Seriously???)...I only have 6 or 7 games *cough* per system *cough* at a time, and I really don't play that often *cough* everyday *cough*, so yeah, I'm not really an avid gamer.

I'm sarcastic, (NOOO WAYYYYYY I couldn't tell ) which you would probably discover within the first five minutes of meeting me,(usually it's within the first thirty seconds, but I'm a bit out of practice) it can be off putting at times,(most times) but it can also be hilarious (I'll let you judge for yourself)

I've got scars (I heard "chicks dig scars") so when I was a kid I made it my mission to have as many as I possibly could, but then I realized that I would have to get hurt in order to have scars, so I've only got two, both the result of my loving brother. (Seriously, my @55hole brother is responsible for all my scars, but I love him anyway)

Ah yes, my family...I'm the youngest of two. And that's about it.
(I won't say too much about them here, because I have soo many stories that I can tell, and they also dig their privacy.)
My past...is a door best left unopened,(Probably because of all the dirty clothes lying on the floor in the closet, seriously I think the thing is going to burst,) until such a time as I feel comfortable enough to reveal bits and pieces. Skeletons?? In my closet??? What closet??

And also...I like cheese
(No Really...I'm not kidding, I totally go head over heals for cheese. It's a bit ridiculous at times)

OH yeah...btw if you're a non-smoker/reformed smoker/like your lungs...I'd just keep on clicking. (I've been a smoker for far too long)
(This is really my only requirement, if you don't mind me smoking, then that's cool by me, but seriously I'm a smoker)

I know my profile says I don't drink (which I don't), but I don't mind if others do...Seriously if you like a beer or a glass of wine, that's cool with me :)
(There's a reason I don't drink, and if you're interested to know, I'll be sure to bore you with the story, I'll give you a hint, drinking causes an allergic reaction)

And also, I'm a sucker for red-heads (must be the Irish in me)
(Yeah, very much a sucker for red-heads/Gingers)

ok so you've made it this far...now what?
(You have Persevered! You are absolutely awesome in my book!)

 Yeah, what is interesting is that I got more responses when I added my "inner monolouge" not by much, but it was noticeable.  Now I would love it if some Average girl replied to my post; however, this is almost never the case (with three exceptions, none of them I will name publicly).  I'm pretty sure I'm doomed...FML



  1. I can tell you what the problem is.

    You used the word "trolling."

    Thanks to that "To Catch A Predator" bastard, you can't use that word in a sentence and not turn people off.

    Shit, I fish, and I have to refer to my trolling motor as my "motor that makes the boat go slow."

  2. OMG, that's why I'm getting so many hits yet none of the responses...Probably because they are all Chris Hansen...That explains the e-mail I got that consisted of "Have a seat right there..."

  3. I totally less than 3 you.... I like saying that better than typing <3.

    So is it working? You need testimonials!!

  4. I less than 3 you too Kaydee, but you already knew that...wait, is this Kaydee or Chris Hansen secretly stalking me again?

  5. Ha! I wonder if you send in the last Post Secret from yesterday...

  6. Would I have to tell you Lilu if I did? Although I totally agree with it, I didn't submit that one...

  7. 1) us gingers are pretty awesome... i'll agree with you on that one :)

    2) can you take me next time you visit ireland? pleeez?

    3) yea, no trolling.

    4) little britain is the bees knees, yo.

    5) use okcupid instead of pof. okcupid gives you WAY more fun questions to answer.